- How to Engage Your Grandkids on Facebook
- Responding to Your Grandkids' Posts
- Five Things Not to Do with Your Grandkids on Facebook
This chapter is from the book
This chapter is from the book
This chapter is from the book
Responding to Your Grandkids’ Posts
Most communication on Facebook is via status updates, displayed in users’ News Feeds. That’s true of communication with your grandchildren, as well—which means you need to learn how to deal with what they post.
The reality is that younger people, teenagers especially, are prone to publicly posting whatever is currently on their minds. This results in a lot of angry, revealing, embarrassing status updates. (And photos!) If you’re a teenager, you’re used to seeing this sort of thing from your friends. But if you’re a grandparent (which you are), you might be shocked or dismayed by what your teenaged grandkids post on Facebook. How you respond will determine whether you stay your grandkids’ “friend” on Facebook, or whether you get silently unfriended.
Don’t Criticize
One of the things that younger people hate about older people (their parents and grandparents, especially), is their tendency to criticize. Teens don’t like adults coming down on them, even inadvertently or in a well-intentioned way.
So if your grandson posts that he blew off class today, resist the temptation to admonish him. If your granddaughter posts a photo of her new outfit, don’t leave a negative comment about how the color doesn’t flatter her eyes, or that the skirt is too short. There will be plenty of other opportunities in life to get in your little digs; don’t spoil the social connection by incessantly offering your opinions on what your grandkids are doing.
Don’t Hijack the Conversation
You also don’t want to jump in the middle of an ongoing conversation between your grandchild and her friends. Teenagers view Facebook as kind of a private forum (although we all know it’s not) and thrive on the comments that friends leave to their posts. You’ll see a lot of back and forth between a handful of friends, resulting in a thread of messages and comments.
The worst thing you can do is interrupt this sort of conversation in process. Resist the urge to chime in with your two cents’ worth, which could completely disrupt the flow of messages. Feel free to read, but don’t hijack the conversation for your own means.
If nothing else, your jumping into the middle of a conversation could severely embarrass your grandchild. Don’t expect your comments to be in sync with what her peers are saying, and don’t expect your humor to translate to the younger generation. Chances are your comment will stick out like a sore thumb, and teenagers do not like to stand out like that. Just avoid commenting and you’ll avoid embarrassing your grandkids.
Don’t Respond at All
In fact, the best way to comment on your grandkids’ Facebook posts is not to comment at all. While it’s great to read their posts to see what they’re up to, you don’t necessarily want to remind them that you’re looking in. You don’t want your grandkids to feel as if you’re monitoring them; they want to be free to post whatever it is they want to post, without worrying about whether or not grandma is watching.
What you want to do, then, is read your grandchildren’s status updates and view their photos, but not “like” them or comment on them. Most young people on Facebook, for whatever reason, are surprisingly open about what they post; you get to see who your child is hanging out with, hear about her latest fight with her boyfriend, read about how much she hates her classes this semester or likes her new job or is creeped out by the guy who works at the pizza stand at the mall. They won’t be near as open if they think they’re being watched.
That means that when it comes to reading your grandkids’ posts, you need to keep your Facebook presence muted. That is, you don’t want to remind your grandchildren that you’re reading what they write—which means not commenting on their posts. You need to stay pretty much invisible, as far as your grandkids are concerned, so they don’t know that you’re there.
If you can’t resist the urge and do post a comment to one of your grandkids’ status updates, let me tell you what is likely to happen. First, your grandchild will become much less open on Facebook; the number of posts she makes will drop dramatically. Then she’ll get smart and figure out how to configure Facebook so that you—and you alone—can’t read her status updates. Then she’ll go back to posting frequently, but you’ll never know because you won’t be able to see a thing she posts. You’ll be locked out, which is not what you want.
This is why you want to remain a silent observer, as far as your grandkids are concerned. Yes, you’ll be listed as one of their Facebook friends, but you’ll be one of those silent friends they soon forget about. You can watch, but you shouldn’t be heard.
Ignore What You See
The good thing about viewing your grandchild’s status updates is you’ll see what she’s doing and what she’s thinking. It’s a great way to get closer to a distant grandchild, just by observing her activities online.
The bad thing about this is that you get exposed to everything your grandkids are doing. You don’t see only what’s important, you also see the most mundane posts (maybe she’s having a bad hair day, or a fight with one of her friends). Even worse, you might be exposed to some information or behavior that you’d rather not know about. It’s a matter of TMI (too much information), which teenagers in particular are prone to post. If you want to keep intact that vision of your grandchild as a starry-eyed angel, maybe it’s better not to connect on Facebook.
To be fair, your younger grandkids’ posts probably won’t be too shocking; they’re just kids, after all. But with older teenagers, prepare to be shocked. Teens today tend to post anything and everything that goes through their minds, and that might be a lot of stuff you might not want to know.
This means you need to steel yourself for both mundane and profane posts from your grandkids. You have to resolve not to get upset by anything you might see in their feeds. Remember, you shouldn’t be commenting on or criticizing what they post; that’s not your role, and could drive them away from participating in Facebook.
So if you see something offensive or disturbing in your grandkids’ posts, just ignore it. On the other hand, if you find something particularly worrisome, such as suicidal threats or signs of bullying, you have an obligation to respond—but not publicly on Facebook. Send your grandchild a private message, or pick up the phone and give her a call. But don’t jump in publicly; reserve advice for a more private conversation.