Home > Articles

You Are Who You Are Because of Your Choices

Recognized thought leader Jeanne Beliveau-Dunn outlines her philosophy of life and success. Everyone has experiences in life that challenge them—she calls these events contrast. She explains how, if you ground yourself in an operating model of love and build mental discipline and emotional intelligence, you will be able to use these challenges to learn and grow.

This chapter is from the book
  • Accept responsibility for your life. Know that it is you who will get you where you want to go, no one else.
  • Les Brown

I am very thankful for the success I have achieved in my career and life. I get to work with amazing people and do things that I never thought possible. Looking at my life and career, one might think that I grew up with all of the privileges and all the best advisors. The assumption is that I am someone from a nice town with good schools, my family had money and connections, and I thrived in the life I was supposed to live. None of that is the case.

A Challenged Beginning

I grew up a daughter of immigrant families who had tough lives, and I had personal and family challenges. We lived in Lawrence, Massachusetts, a town of immigrants from all parts of the world, trying to find a better life living in a city with a depressed economy and a high crime rate.

That being said, I would not trade anything in my past for something better because it made me the person I am today, and that is someone who I am quite comfortable with.

One recent day in Boston, I was shopping down Newbury Street and ran into a younger version of myself at Max Mara, my favorite clothing store. In the store, a woman in her early twenties greeted me and started to lead me to a number of irresistible pieces that were just my style. She engaged me as a person and told me her story about coming to Boston for school and earning her way through college. She is from Colombia and had a very warm, engaging style that immediately sucked me in. Meeting her made me remember my past and reflect on my present. I feel for her to have to work full time while going through school, but I know from experience that this will work in spades for her in the end.

My story is similar to hers. My parents were not college educated but both of them were very smart, and although they had their problems, we all loved each other. When times were good, they were really good. When times were bad, they were really bad. We lived a life of extremes—a life of contrast.

My father was a striking man—tall and good-looking with intense eyes. He spent much of his early adult life serving in the Air Force during wartime. His battlefield experiences created many demons for him, which came out through alcoholism.

He was self-educated and a tinkerer. All of our electronics at home were constantly in a state of disarray because he liked to pull apart and reassemble our TVs, stereos, and even our car. Nothing in our house worked. He was fascinated with technology and had many different jobs—none that he held too long because he would get bored or clearly was not living the dream in the workplace. When he finally had a great job as a member of the technical support staff for the first Apollo mission to the moon (he was essentially a technical writer), he felt disenfranchised by the lack of control over his work and once again drank himself into unemployment.

I loved my father. He was witty, clever, a real adventurer, and full of life when he was doing what he loved. Unfortunately, and like many people I have met, he spent most of his life doing things he did not like.

My mom played the role of parent and disciplinarian to my father and me, and we would challenge her quite a bit. She did not stand a chance with the two of us kids until something happened: He died. My father was my best friend, my co-adventurer in the back woods of Canada and Maine, and I lost him when I was 12 years old—just when I was starting to understand who I was.

Looking back, I think it was my voracious appetite for learning through experience and how I enjoyed discovering the unknown or finding a new, untouched path—qualities I got from my dad—that helped me get through this very difficult time.

Building Resilience and Strength

After my dad died, taking on adult responsibilities was not a choice; it was survival. Our family had both financial and emotional problems. A deep love between my mother and father and my mother’s discipline, strength, persistence, and level head in a crisis had kept the family together through our troubles. But when my father died at 38, my brother, mother, and I were left to pull ourselves back from a slide into poverty. After my father died, my mother developed several health problems that challenged keeping the family together. My brother and I had to live with other family members and friends while my mother recovered.

During this time, my priority—I was the oldest—was to get my family through this crisis and out of survival mode as soon as possible. I knew there was more to life than survival, but I also realized that dreaming without purpose and doing without a strategy would result in a goalless life without direction or purpose. Having lived through my father’s choices and his less-than-purposeful life, I was not interested in making that same mistake. I went to work at age 12, learned how to support myself and take care of my family, and kept working all the way through college. Although they were difficult and scary, these experiences accelerated my development. As a young child, I was very shy, being an only child for the first 10 years of my life. When my dad died, I realized being shy wasn’t going to work for me. I loved fashion and clothes, and did not want to do without; I was determined to have a great life. So I did anything legal and creative to earn money and build my confidence. I even went to hairdressing school so I could earn money while going to college. I liked doing creative things and working with other people to help them feel good about themselves. This became a way for me to also feel good about myself—particularly at a time when I operated my life without a safety net.

Sometimes when life became overwhelming, I would have to talk myself into a path forward. I would tell myself that things would work out for us as a family if we simply stayed positive and had each other. I used to watch a lot of old movies, the kind with happy endings, which gave me an escape from the tough times. Even though I did not know what lay in front of me, I had deep faith that somehow this would all work out. My mom, friends’ moms, aunts, and teachers would tell me that many great people came from nothing and from great adversity, and that where I came from did not have to define me. Of course, there were others who would tell me the opposite, but I did what I could to block them out.

If I wanted to have anything—a good home, better opportunities, and a better life—I knew I had to get to work and earn money. So, at 12 I got a job at a local retailer, even though I had to lie about my age (that caught up with me eventually). The funny thing is that I knew I was shy and fearful of speaking with people I did not know. But if there was a product to sell or common ground, like music or fashion, it made opening the conversation a bit easier.

The clothing store I worked at was a pleasant place to work. It helped me get things I needed, and it surrounded me with people who gave me great experiences and helped me get out of my shell. This first job gave me some early insight into fashion, and because I also liked music—lots of musicians hung around there—it felt like a job with big benefits. The staff and management were nice and protective of me because of my situation. And they felt bad when social security came knocking at their door—I was underage, oops!—and they had to let me go.

The good news was I was on my journey to be less shy and more outgoing—a major boost to my future job potential. I had to fake being outgoing at first, but the more I talked to strangers the easier it got and the better I was in connecting with them. Because I was young, I was always trying to improve myself. I dreamed and imagined a lot about what I could be and what I wanted to be, and I paid attention to elements of what I liked in other people. I tried emulating their behavior in hopes that I would get more comfortable with myself; I thought mimicking their confidence would get me through my fear of rejection or lack of confidence. Those years were like a roller coaster. They had amazing highs and lows. I was proud of what I was doing for my age and how I was breaking through my fears, but also lived in the reality of the big climb ahead to get to college and into a great life.

Even though I felt I was on my own, I came to realize that I could turn to family, friends, and teachers for advice and help. These people would give me other perspectives and support. A friend’s mom, Deloris Waterman, used to pump me up with her view of my potential and by describing what life could hold for me every time I went over to their house. I went over there as often as I could. She was an educated woman and the wife of a lawyer from a prominent family. Although they had fallen on hard times, she had been places and had known famous people, and she had great faith in me. Her faith in me helped build my confidence. My mother was also a great source of inspiration as she began to pull herself out of her health problems and make better choices that helped get us back on our feet. She loved both my brother and me deeply and would always make us feel valued and important. That is a gift that I choose to repay and pay forward with others whenever I can because I know how powerful it was for me to receive it.

Empower Yourself

These early hardships taught me to embrace the power of me, because in my heart I knew that I had to take charge of my future. It is through these experiences that I developed my philosophy about work and life. I developed a strong determination to have a big and joyful life and not accept less than what I wanted from the future. It was clear to me then, as it is now, that there is more to life than what my parents experienced. I wanted everything, a great life and a rewarding, worthwhile career, and I knew that working to get what I wanted did not have to mean sacrificing who I was. Ultimately, these experiences gave me the knowledge, skills, and practice I needed to develop a very successful career.

We all know people whose early lives were difficult but whose choices on how to deal with it were what set them up for their lives ahead. We have all heard the stories of many famous and successful people who came from nothing and were able to build great lives for themselves. A privileged background is not necessarily an advantage or a criterion for achieving success. Think about Bill Clinton, Oprah Winfrey, David Geffen, Barack Obama, Patti Smith, Sally Jessy Raphael, Jim Carrey, and Jeannette Walls, among many others. All of these people have two things in common: they are at the top of their game in their professions today, and they had periods in their lives characterized by economic or personal tragedy.

Success isn’t the result of random good luck or confidence fairies. In my case, no privileged background or parents’ connections helped me along the way. Although hard work is involved with success, there is more to it than that. Even though most folks are knowledgeable about their area of expertise and have a few ideas about what drives personal success, they still struggle to get the outcome they want out of their careers. What I discovered from my experiences and from observing others is that the ability to succeed has a formula. There are some general principles involved in achieving success, and you can apply these principles to your life and your career.

InformIT Promotional Mailings & Special Offers

I would like to receive exclusive offers and hear about products from InformIT and its family of brands. I can unsubscribe at any time.

Overview


Pearson Education, Inc., 221 River Street, Hoboken, New Jersey 07030, (Pearson) presents this site to provide information about products and services that can be purchased through this site.

This privacy notice provides an overview of our commitment to privacy and describes how we collect, protect, use and share personal information collected through this site. Please note that other Pearson websites and online products and services have their own separate privacy policies.

Collection and Use of Information


To conduct business and deliver products and services, Pearson collects and uses personal information in several ways in connection with this site, including:

Questions and Inquiries

For inquiries and questions, we collect the inquiry or question, together with name, contact details (email address, phone number and mailing address) and any other additional information voluntarily submitted to us through a Contact Us form or an email. We use this information to address the inquiry and respond to the question.

Online Store

For orders and purchases placed through our online store on this site, we collect order details, name, institution name and address (if applicable), email address, phone number, shipping and billing addresses, credit/debit card information, shipping options and any instructions. We use this information to complete transactions, fulfill orders, communicate with individuals placing orders or visiting the online store, and for related purposes.

Surveys

Pearson may offer opportunities to provide feedback or participate in surveys, including surveys evaluating Pearson products, services or sites. Participation is voluntary. Pearson collects information requested in the survey questions and uses the information to evaluate, support, maintain and improve products, services or sites, develop new products and services, conduct educational research and for other purposes specified in the survey.

Contests and Drawings

Occasionally, we may sponsor a contest or drawing. Participation is optional. Pearson collects name, contact information and other information specified on the entry form for the contest or drawing to conduct the contest or drawing. Pearson may collect additional personal information from the winners of a contest or drawing in order to award the prize and for tax reporting purposes, as required by law.

Newsletters

If you have elected to receive email newsletters or promotional mailings and special offers but want to unsubscribe, simply email information@informit.com.

Service Announcements

On rare occasions it is necessary to send out a strictly service related announcement. For instance, if our service is temporarily suspended for maintenance we might send users an email. Generally, users may not opt-out of these communications, though they can deactivate their account information. However, these communications are not promotional in nature.

Customer Service

We communicate with users on a regular basis to provide requested services and in regard to issues relating to their account we reply via email or phone in accordance with the users' wishes when a user submits their information through our Contact Us form.

Other Collection and Use of Information


Application and System Logs

Pearson automatically collects log data to help ensure the delivery, availability and security of this site. Log data may include technical information about how a user or visitor connected to this site, such as browser type, type of computer/device, operating system, internet service provider and IP address. We use this information for support purposes and to monitor the health of the site, identify problems, improve service, detect unauthorized access and fraudulent activity, prevent and respond to security incidents and appropriately scale computing resources.

Web Analytics

Pearson may use third party web trend analytical services, including Google Analytics, to collect visitor information, such as IP addresses, browser types, referring pages, pages visited and time spent on a particular site. While these analytical services collect and report information on an anonymous basis, they may use cookies to gather web trend information. The information gathered may enable Pearson (but not the third party web trend services) to link information with application and system log data. Pearson uses this information for system administration and to identify problems, improve service, detect unauthorized access and fraudulent activity, prevent and respond to security incidents, appropriately scale computing resources and otherwise support and deliver this site and its services.

Cookies and Related Technologies

This site uses cookies and similar technologies to personalize content, measure traffic patterns, control security, track use and access of information on this site, and provide interest-based messages and advertising. Users can manage and block the use of cookies through their browser. Disabling or blocking certain cookies may limit the functionality of this site.

Do Not Track

This site currently does not respond to Do Not Track signals.

Security


Pearson uses appropriate physical, administrative and technical security measures to protect personal information from unauthorized access, use and disclosure.

Children


This site is not directed to children under the age of 13.

Marketing


Pearson may send or direct marketing communications to users, provided that

  • Pearson will not use personal information collected or processed as a K-12 school service provider for the purpose of directed or targeted advertising.
  • Such marketing is consistent with applicable law and Pearson's legal obligations.
  • Pearson will not knowingly direct or send marketing communications to an individual who has expressed a preference not to receive marketing.
  • Where required by applicable law, express or implied consent to marketing exists and has not been withdrawn.

Pearson may provide personal information to a third party service provider on a restricted basis to provide marketing solely on behalf of Pearson or an affiliate or customer for whom Pearson is a service provider. Marketing preferences may be changed at any time.

Correcting/Updating Personal Information


If a user's personally identifiable information changes (such as your postal address or email address), we provide a way to correct or update that user's personal data provided to us. This can be done on the Account page. If a user no longer desires our service and desires to delete his or her account, please contact us at customer-service@informit.com and we will process the deletion of a user's account.

Choice/Opt-out


Users can always make an informed choice as to whether they should proceed with certain services offered by InformIT. If you choose to remove yourself from our mailing list(s) simply visit the following page and uncheck any communication you no longer want to receive: www.informit.com/u.aspx.

Sale of Personal Information


Pearson does not rent or sell personal information in exchange for any payment of money.

While Pearson does not sell personal information, as defined in Nevada law, Nevada residents may email a request for no sale of their personal information to NevadaDesignatedRequest@pearson.com.

Supplemental Privacy Statement for California Residents


California residents should read our Supplemental privacy statement for California residents in conjunction with this Privacy Notice. The Supplemental privacy statement for California residents explains Pearson's commitment to comply with California law and applies to personal information of California residents collected in connection with this site and the Services.

Sharing and Disclosure


Pearson may disclose personal information, as follows:

  • As required by law.
  • With the consent of the individual (or their parent, if the individual is a minor)
  • In response to a subpoena, court order or legal process, to the extent permitted or required by law
  • To protect the security and safety of individuals, data, assets and systems, consistent with applicable law
  • In connection the sale, joint venture or other transfer of some or all of its company or assets, subject to the provisions of this Privacy Notice
  • To investigate or address actual or suspected fraud or other illegal activities
  • To exercise its legal rights, including enforcement of the Terms of Use for this site or another contract
  • To affiliated Pearson companies and other companies and organizations who perform work for Pearson and are obligated to protect the privacy of personal information consistent with this Privacy Notice
  • To a school, organization, company or government agency, where Pearson collects or processes the personal information in a school setting or on behalf of such organization, company or government agency.

Links


This web site contains links to other sites. Please be aware that we are not responsible for the privacy practices of such other sites. We encourage our users to be aware when they leave our site and to read the privacy statements of each and every web site that collects Personal Information. This privacy statement applies solely to information collected by this web site.

Requests and Contact


Please contact us about this Privacy Notice or if you have any requests or questions relating to the privacy of your personal information.

Changes to this Privacy Notice


We may revise this Privacy Notice through an updated posting. We will identify the effective date of the revision in the posting. Often, updates are made to provide greater clarity or to comply with changes in regulatory requirements. If the updates involve material changes to the collection, protection, use or disclosure of Personal Information, Pearson will provide notice of the change through a conspicuous notice on this site or other appropriate way. Continued use of the site after the effective date of a posted revision evidences acceptance. Please contact us if you have questions or concerns about the Privacy Notice or any objection to any revisions.

Last Update: November 17, 2020