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Love matters. Whether it's the romantic kind or the emotional bond between you and family or friends. Indeed latest research suggests that those who love and are loved are significantly more likely to be alive in 10 years time than those without love in their lives. Love makes us happy, and the happier we are, the longer it seems we tend to live. So, why is it that some people find relationships so easy? We all know the kind of person, married forever, connected with their family, and strong friendships that have stood the test of time from all stages of life. The people who make friends easily, who have someone utterly devoted to them and for whom many would do anything. What do they know and do that the rest of us could learn from? That's what you'll find in this book. If you study people who are so good at relationships you discover it's not about their personality or gender or how self sacrificing they are. Those who are great in all relationships usually do have to work at it. The secret is that they know exactly where to put their efforts. They know the Rules of Love. Now updated and expanded with 10 brand-new rules, The Rules of Love helps you benefit from the simple principles of forming and sustaining strong, enduring and ultimately, life enhancing relationships.
Introduction xi
Part I Rules for Finding Love 2
1 Be Yourself 4
2 Get Over It Before You Get On With It 6
3 You Won’t Be Happy With a Partner Until You Can Be Happy on Your Own 8
4 You’ll Know Them When You Meet Them 10
5 Choose Someone Who Makes You Laugh 12
6 Being Less Than a Hundred Percent Attractive Is a Great Filter 14
7 Don’t Keep Making the Same Mistakes 16
8 Certain People Are Off Limits (You Know Who They Are) 18
9 You Can’t Change People 20
10 Relationships Aren’t About Sex 22
11 Get to Know Someone Through All the Seasons Before Making Any Major Decisions 24
12 Don’t Stay With Someone Who Doesn’t Care 26
13 If You Can’t Trust Them, You Haven’t Got a Relationship 28
14 Be Honest (While You Still Have the Chance) 30
15 Don’t Play Games 32
16 Don’t Paint New Partners with Old Brushes 34
17 Check You Both Have the Same Shared Goals 36
18 You Can’t Make Someone Love You 38
19 Be Cruel to Be Kind 40
Part II Relationship Rules 42
20 Be Nice 44
21 Be Together Because You Want to, Not Because You Need to 46
22 Allow Your Partner the Space to Be Themselves 48
23 Look to Your Own Faults 50
24 Be Honorable 52
25 Put Each Other First 54
26 Recognize the Signs 56
27 Be a Hero—Or a Heroine 58
28 Accept the Differences, Embrace What You Have in Common 60
29 Don’t Belittle Your Partner 62
30 You Want to Do What? 64
31 Let Not the Sun Go Down Upon Your Wrath 66
32 Be the First to Say Sorry 68
33 Let Them Have the Last Word 70
34 Houston, We Have a Problem 72
35 Don’t Put Them on a Pedestal and Expect Them to Stay There 74
36 Know When to Listen and When to Act 76
37 Never Stop Trying to be Attractive 78
38 If You Can Say Something Nice, Do 80
39 Don’t Try to Be Their Parent 82
40 Be Part of Their Life 84
41 If Little Things Annoy You, Say So—With Humor 86
42 Go That Extra Step in Trying to Please Them 88
43 Make Sure Your Partner Is Always Pleased to See You 90
44 Don’t Dump Responsibility on Your Partner 92
45 Let Them Know If You Don’t Like Their Friends 94
46 Jealousy Is Your Stuff, Not Theirs 96
47 Your Partner Is More Important Than Your Kids 98
48 Make Time for Romance 100
49 Have a Passion for Your Life Together 102
50 Share the Workload 104
51 Trust the Other One to Do the Job 106
52 Don’t Be a Nag 108
53 Make Sure Your Love Making Is Making Love 110
54 Don’t Control Them 112
55 Listen to What They’re Not Saying 114
56 Most Everyday Arguments Are About Something Else 116
57 Respect Privacy 118
58 Treat Your Partner Better Than Your Best Friend 120
59 Don’t Be Offended If They Want Some Space 122
60 Men Like Flowers Too 124
61 Keep Your Finances Separate 126
62 Contentment Is a High Aim 128
63 Be Generous to Each Other Financially 130
64 You Make a Choice Every Day 132
65 Don’t Be a Martyr 134
66 Stop Sniping—Someone Has To 136
67 You Don’t Both Have to Have the Same Rules 138
68 Do It Their Way If It Matters More to Them 140
69 Put Yourself in Their Shoes 142
70 In-laws Are Part of the Package 144
71 Keep Talking 146
Part III Rules for Parting 148
72 Listen to Your Own Internal Voice 150
73 Recognize That It Takes Two 152
74 Keep the Moral High Ground 154
75 Don’t Keep Mulling It Over 156
76 Leave the Kids Out of It 158
Part IV Family Rules 160
77 Don’t Blame Your Parents 162
78 Don’t Let Your Parents Control Your Feelings 164
79 Your Children Come Before You 166
80 Nothing Is Worth Falling Out Over 168
81 Treat Them Right, No Matter How They Treat You 170
82 There Are No Circumstances in Which It Is Ever Acceptable to Say “I Told You So” 172
83 Don’t Pressure Your Family Just Because You Can 174
84 Never Be Too Busy for Loved Ones 176
85 Your Children Need to Fall Out with You to Leave Home 178
86 They Don’t Have to Be the Same as You 180
87 There’s Always Stuff with Siblings 182
88 Let Go of Your Role 184
Part V Friendship Rules 186
89 There Are No Rules 188
90 Your Best Friend Was Once a Stranger 190
91 Only Have People in Your Life Who, on Balance, Make It Better Not Worse 192
92 If You’re Going to Be a Friend, Be a Good Friend 194
93 Forgive 196
94 Never Give Advice* 198
95 Don’t Make Other People Uncomfortable 200
96 Find Friends Who Love the Truth 202
97 Never Lend Money Unless You’re Prepared to Write It Off 204
98 If You Don’t Like Their Partner, Tough 206
99 When One Finger Points Forward, Three Point Back 208
100 Friendships Change 210
101 Know When to Let Go 212
102 Bitterness Helps No One 214
Part VI Rules for Everyone 216
103 People Are More Important Than Things 218
104 Guilt Is a Selfish Emotion 220
105 Love Equals Time 222
106 The More You Put Out, The More You Get Back 224
107 Other People Are Where It’s At 226
Had Enough Yet…? 228
You’ll Get Older But Not Necessarily Wiser 230
Get Your Work Noticed 232
Anybody Can Be Wealthy—You Just Need to Apply Yourself 234
Get Them Emotionally Involved 236
Relax 238