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Top 10 Things to Do with Your BlackBerry After Purchasing an iPhone

Are you the proud owner of a new iPhone? Have an old BlackBerry that you don't know what to do with? Never fear. Following are 10 ways you can still enjoy your Blackberry (albeit temporarily):

10. Hold BlackBerry in hand and stare into its little digital face while uttering a string of insults that would curl a sailor's hair. This won't physically injure BlackBerry, but it will make it feel very bad and will let your iPhone know that your love affair with the BlackBerry is over.

9. Obtain a length of rubber tubing. Stretch rubber tubing between two sturdy trees and pull back sharply. Fling BlackBerry into a solid object, preferably a brick wall or similar non-giving surface. Enjoy the dull "thwack" it makes on impact.

8. Walk outside to where your vehicle is parked. Place Blackerry in path of one front tire. Start engine and put vehicle in gear. Turn off radio. Lower window and stick head out. Ease foot off brake pedal until vehicle rolls forward. Enjoy the "crunching" sound BlackBerry makes when crushed beneath vehicle.

7. Give BlackBerry to 18-month-old child and tell him to have at it. Snicker when said youngster drops Blackberry into toilet or uses a sippy cup to bash BlackBerry into a wad of plastic bits.

6. Find tallest structure in your area. Climb stairs or take elevator to top of tallest structure. Carefully move to edge of tallest structure. Yell "Go! Be free!" as you hurl Blackberry over the side.

5. Take BlackBerry into garage. Locate a heavy, bludgeoning device. A three-pound, hand-sledgehammer is a good choice. Place BlackBerry on solid surface, such as concrete floor. Put on safety googles. Strike Blackberry while grunting like animal of your choice.

4. Place Blackberry in a non-flammable container or fire pit. Hose BlackBerry with accelerant - lighter fluid is a fine choice. Put on protective handwear and using a long match, ignite BlackBerry. Notice the sizzling and crackling noises BlackBerry makes as it melts. (Due to potentially toxic emissions from burning BlackBerry, roasting marshmallows is not advised.)

3. Firmly attach a length of twine or wire to BlackBerry. Attach other end of twine or wire to vehicle bumper. Put vehicle in gear and drive as fast as the laws in your state allow. If your twine or wire is long enough, you'll be able to see BlackBerry disintegrate as it is dragged across pavement.

2. Go to the nearest body of water and using your depth finder, locate the deepest spot. Anchor over said deepest spot. Drop Blackberry over side of boat and enjoy the satisfying "plop" sound it makes. If you drop BlackBerry near depth finder transducer, you can watch BlackBerry sink to bottom.

And the number 1 thing to do with your BlackBerry after purchasing an iPhone <insert drumroll here>:

1. Keep the BlackBerry and use it to make and receive calls because even as cool as iPhone is, the AT&T "coverage" it's saddled with is terrible. Use iPhone for everything else.

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