Richard Templar's Rules: The Complete Compilation (Collection), 2nd Edition

Description

• Copyright 2013
• Edition: 2nd

• eBook (Watermarked)
• ISBN-10: 0-13-345791-5
• ISBN-13: 978-0-13-345791-9

Richard Templar’s simple “rules” for achieving happiness, personal fulfillment, and success: 6 worldwide best-sellers in one brand new collection!

An amazing collection of Richard Templar’s “Rules”: 6 expanded books, packed with simple, bite-size rules for achieving more happiness, fulfillment, and success!

Life just isn’t as hard as it looks! Again and again, the most successful, happiest people use the same strategies. You can learn and use those strategies — and they work! In the recently-expanded editions of six amazing books, best-selling author Richard Templar brings together hundreds of bite-size strategies for success… all stunningly smart, quick, and practical! In The Rules of Life, Expanded Edition, Templar uncovers learnable attitudes and easy techniques for becoming more contented, more fulfilled, more enthusiastic about life. Templar’s The Rules of Work, Expanded Edition reveals “secrets” of people who seem naturally great at their jobs: those rare individuals who always say and do the right thing, get raises, get promoted — without compromising their principles, or even seeming to break a sweat. In The Rules of Management, Expanded Edition, Templar shares 100+ easy-to-use rules for becoming a more successful leader and manager: everything from setting smarter goals to holding better meetings, finding better people to managing your own stress and health. Next, The Rules of Money, Expanded Edition identifies 107 “golden behaviors” that create wealth and make it grow: indispensable insights for saving, spending, investing, thinking about, and even enjoying money! Templar’s The Rules of Parenting, Expanded Edition serves up adaptable, flexible principles for becoming a better parent, from your child’s birth through boyfriends/girlfriends, driving lessons, college — and beyond. Finally, in The Rules of Love, Expanded Edition, Templar offers a complete personal code for finding love, sharing it, and making it last: 100 simple rules for finding a partner you can love for a lifetime (and keeping your partner just as happy). Six classic books packed with simple, common-sense, easy-to-follow rules that will change your life!

From Richard Templar, the internationally best-selling expert on life, happiness, and personal fulfillment

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Sample Content

Table of Contents

The Rules of Life, Expanded Edition: A Personal Code for Living a Better, Happier, More Successful Life

Introduction viii

Part I Rules for You 1

1 Keep It Under Your Hat 4

2 You’ll Get Older But Not Necessarily Wiser 6

3 Accept What Is Done Is Done 8

4 Accept Yourself 10

5 Know What Counts and What Doesn’t 12

6 Dedicate Your Life to Something 14

7 Be Flexible in Your Thinking 16

8 Take an Interest in the Outside World 18

9 Be on the Side of the Angels, Not the Beasts 20

10 Only Dead Fish Swim with the Stream 22

11 Be the Last to Raise Your Voice 24

12 Be Your Own Adviser 26

13 No Fear, No Surprise, No Hesitation, No Doubt 28

14 I Wish I’d Done That--and I Will 30

15 It’s OK to Give Up 32

16 Count to Ten--or Recite “Baa Baa Black Sheep” 34

17 Change What You Can Change; Let Go of the Rest 36

18 Aim to Be the Very Best at Everything You Do--Not Second Best 38

19 Don’t Expect to Be Perfect 40

20 Don’t Be Afraid to Dream 42

21 If You’re Going to Jump Off a Bridge, Make Sure You Know How Deep the Water Is 44

22 Don’t Dwell on the Past 46

23 Don’t Live in the Future 48

24 Get on With Life--It’s Whooshing Past 50

25 Be Consistent 52

26 Dress Like Today Is Important 54

27 Have a Belief System 56

28 Leave a Little Space for Yourself Each Day 58

29 Have a Plan 60

30 Have a Sense of Humor 62

31 Choose How You Make Your Bed 64

32 Life Can Be a Bit Like Advertising 66

33 Get Used to Stepping Outside Your Comfort Zone 68

34 Learn to Ask Questions 70

35 Have Dignity 72

36 It’s OK to Feel Big Emotions 74

37 Keep the Faith 76

38 You’ll Never Understand Everything 78

39 Know Where True Happiness Comes From 80

40 Life Is a Pizza 82

41 Know When to Let Go--When to Walk Away 84

42 Retaliation Leads to Escalation 86

43 Look After Yourself 88

44 Maintain Good Manners in All Things 90

45 Prune Your Stuff Frequently 92

46 Remember to Touch Base 94

47 Draw the Lines Around Yourself 96

48 Shop for Quality, Not Price 98

49 It’s OK to Worry, or to Know How Not To 100

50 Stay Young 102

51 Throwing Money at a Problem Doesn’t Always Work 104

52 Think for Yourself 106

53 You Are Not in Charge 108

54 Have Something in Your Life That Takes You

Out of Yourself 110

55 Only the Good Feel Guilty 112

56 If You Can’t Say Anything Nice, Don’t Say

Anything at All 114

Part II Partnership Rules 117

57 Accept the Differences, Embrace What You Have in Common 120

58 Allow Your Partner the Space to Be Themselves 122

59 Be Nice 124

60 You Want to Do What? 126

61 Be the First to Say Sorry 128

62 Go That Extra Step in Trying to Please Them 130

63 Always Have Someone--or Something--That Is Pleased to See You 132

64 Know When to Listen and When to Act 134

65 Have a Passion for Your Life Together 136

66 Make Sure Your Love Making Is Making Love 138

67 Keep Talking 140

68 Respect Privacy 142

69 Check You Both Have the Same Shared Goals 144

70 Treat Your Partner Better Than Your Best Friend 146

71 Contentment Is a High Aim 148

72 You Don’t Both Have to Have the Same Rules 150

Part III Family and Friends Rules 153

73 If You Are Going to Be a Friend, Be a Good Friend 156

74 Never Be Too Busy for Loved Ones 158

75 Let Your Kids Mess Up for Themselves--They Don’t Need Any Help from You 160

76 Have a Little Respect and Forgiveness for Your Parents 162

77 Give Your Kids a Break 164

78 Never Lend Money Unless You Are Prepared to Write It Off 166

79 Keep Quiet 168

80 There Are No Bad Children 170

81 Be Up Around People You Love 172

82 Give Your Kids Responsibilities 174

83 Your Children Need to Fall Out with You to Leave Home 176

84 Your Kids Will Have Friends You Don’t Like 178

85 Your Role as a Child 180

86 Your Role as a Parent 182

Part IV Social Rules 185

87 We’re All Closer Than You Think 188

88 It Doesn’t Hurt to Forgive 190

89 It Doesn’t Hurt to Be Helpful 192

90 What’s in It for Them? 194

91 Hang Out with Positive People 196

92 Be Generous with Your Time and Information 198

93 Get Involved 200

94 Keep the Moral High Ground 202

95 Just Because You Have, Doesn't Mean They Have Too 204

96 Do Compare Yourself with Other People 206

97 Have a Plan for Your Career 208

98 Look at the Long-Term Ramifications of What You Do for a Living 210

99 Be Good at Your Job 212

100 Be Aware of the Damage You Are Doing 214

101 Be for the Glory, Not the Degradation 216

102 Be Part of the Solution, Not the Problem 218

103 Check What History Would Say About You 220

104 Not Everything Can Be Green 222

105 Put Something Back 224

106 Find a New Rule Every Day--or Occasionally at Least 226

The Rules of Work, Expanded Edition: A Definitive Code for Personal Success

Foreword viii

Introduction x

Part I Walk Your Talk 1

1 Get Your Work Noticed 4

2 Never Stand Still 6

3 Volunteer Carefully 8

4 Carve Out a Niche for Yourself 10

5 Under Promise and Over Deliver 12

6 Learn to Ask Why 14

7 Be 100 Percent Committed 16

8 Learn from Others’ Mistakes 18

9 Enjoy What You Are Doing 20

10 Develop the Right Attitude 22

11 Be Passionate But Don’t Kill Yourself 24

12 Manage Your Energy 26

13 Never Let Anyone Know How Hard You Work 28

14 Keep Your Home Life at Home 30

Part II Know That You’re Being Judged at All Times 33

15 Cultivate a Smile 36

16 No Limp Fish—Develop the Perfect Handshake 38

17 Exude Confidence and Energy 40

18 Develop a Style That Gets You Noticed 42

19 Pay Attention to Personal Grooming 44

20 Be Attractive 46

21 Be Cool 48

22 Speak Well 50

23 Write Well 52

Part III Have a Plan 55

24 Know What You Want Long Term 58

25 Know What You Want Short term 60

26 Study the Promotion System 62

27 Develop a Game Plan 64

28 Set Objectives 66

29 Know Your Role 68

30 Know Yourself—Strengths and Weaknesses 70

31 Identify Key Times and Events 72

32 Anticipate Threats 74

33 Look for Opportunities 76

34 Make Learning a Lifelong Mission 78

Part IV If You Can’t Say Anything Nice—Shut Up 81

35 Don’t Gossip 84

36 Don’t Bitch 86

37 Stand Up for Others 88

38 Compliment People Sincerely 90

39 Be Cheerful and Positive 92

40 Ask Questions 94

41 Use “Please” and “Thank You” 96

42 Don’t Swear 98

43 Be a Good Listener 100

44 Only Speak Sense 102

Part V Look After Yourself 105

45 Know the Ethics of Your Industry 108

46 Know the Legalities of Your Industry 110

47 Set Personal Standards 112

48 Never Lie 114

49 Never Cover Up for Anyone Else 116

50 Keep Records 118

51 Know the Difference Between the Truth and The Whole Truth 120

52 Cultivate Your Support/Contacts/ Friends 122

53 Date with Caution 124

54 Understand Others’ Motives 126

55 Assume Everyone Else Is Playing by Different Rules 128

56 Keep the Faith 130

57 Put Things in Perspective 132

Part VI Blend In 135

58 Know the Corporate Culture 138

59 Speak the Language 140

60 Dress Up or Dress Down Accordingly 142

61 Be Adaptable in Your Dealings with Different People 144

62 Make Your Boss Look Good 146

63 Know Where to Hang Out, and When 148

64 Understand Social Protocols 150

65 Know the Rules about Authority 152

66 Know the Rules about the Office Hierarchy 154

67 Never Disapprove of Others 156

68 Understand the Herd Mentality 158

Part VII Act One Step Ahead 161

69 Dress One Step Ahead 164

70 Talk One Step Ahead 166

71 Act One Step Ahead 168

72 Think One Step Ahead 170

73 Address Corporate Issues and Problems 172

74 Make Your Company Better for Having You There 174

75 Talk of “We” Rather Than “I” 176

76 Walk the Walk 178

77 Spend More Time with Senior Staff 180

78 Get People to Assume You Have Already Made the Step 182

79 Prepare for the Step After Next 184

Part VIII Cultivate Diplomacy 187

80 Ask Questions in Times of Conflict 190

81 Don’t Take Sides 192

82 Know When to Keep Your Opinions to Yourself 194

83 Be Conciliatory 196

84 Never Lose Your Temper 198

85 Never Get Personal 200

86 Know How to Handle Other People’s Anger 202

87 Stand Your Ground 204

88 Be Objective About the Situation 206

Part IX Know the System--and Milk It 209

89 Know All the Unspoken Rules of Office Life 212

90 Know What to Call Everyone 214

91 Know When to Stay Late and When to Go Early 216

92 Know the Theft or Perks Rule 218

93 Identify the People Who Count 220

94 Be on the Right Side of the People Who Count 222

95 Be Well Up on New Management Techniques 224

96 Know the Undercurrents and Hidden Agendas 226

97 Know the Favorites and Cultivate Them 228

98 Know the Mission Statement--and Understand It 230

Part X Handle the Opposition 233

99 Identify the Opposition 236

100 Study Them Closely 238

101 Don’t Back-Stab 240

102 Know the Psychology of Promotion 242

103 Don’t Give Too Much Away 244

104 Keep Your Ear to the Ground 246

105 Make the Opposition Seem Irreplaceable 248

106 Don’t Damn the Opposition with Faint Praise 250

107 Capitalize on the Career-Enhancing Moments 252

108 Cultivate the Friendship and Approval of Your Colleagues 254

Postscript: Know When to Break the Rules 256

The Rules of Management, Expanded Edition: A Definitive Code for Managerial Success

Introduction vii

Part I Managing Your Team 1

1 Get Them Emotionally Involved 4

2 Know What a Team Is and How It Works 6

3 Set Realistic Targets—No, Really Realistic 8

4 Hold Effective Meetings 10

5 …No, Really Effective 12

6 Make Meetings Fun 14

7 Make Your Team Better Than You 16

8 Know Your Own Importance 18

9 Set Your Boundaries 20

10 Be Ready to Prune 22

11 Offload as Much as You Can—or Dare 24

12 Let Them Make Mistakes 26

13 Accept Their Limitations 28

14 Encourage People 30

15 Be Very, Very Good at Finding the Right People 32

16 Hire Raw Talent 34

17 Take the Rap 36

18 Give Credit to the Team When It Deserves It 38

19 Get the Best Resources for Your Team 40

20 Celebrate 42

21 Keep Track of Everything You Do and Say 44

22 Be Sensitive to Friction 46

23 Create a Good Atmosphere 48

24 Inspire Loyalty and Team Spirit 50

25 Have and Show Trust in Your Staff 52

26 Respect Individual Differences 54

27 Listen to Ideas from Others 56

28 Adapt Your Style to Each Team Member 58

29 Let Them Think They Know More Than You (Even if They Don’t) 60

30 Don’t Always Have to Have the Last Word 62

31 Understand the Roles of Others 64

32 Ensure People Know Exactly What Is Expected of Them 66

33 Have Clear Expectations 68

34 Use Positive Reinforcement Motivation 70

35 Don’t Try Justifying Stupid Systems 72

36 Be Ready to Say Yes 74

37 Train Them to Bring You Solutions, Not Problems 76

Part II Managing Yourself 79

38 Work Hard 82

39 Set the Standard 84

40 Enjoy Yourself 86

41 Don’t Let It Get to You 88

42 Know What You Are Supposed to Be Doing 90

43 Know What You Are Actually Doing 92

44 Value Your Time 94

45 Be Proactive, Not Reactive 96

46 Be Consistent 98

47 Set Realistic Targets for Yourself—No, Really Realistic 100

48 Have a Game Plan, but Keep It Secret 102

49 Get Rid of Superfluous Rules 104

50 Learn from Your Mistakes 106

51 Be Ready to Unlearn—What Works, Changes 108

52 Cut the Crap—Prioritize 110

53 Cultivate Those in the Know 112

54 Know When to Kick the Door Shut 114

55 Fill Your Time Productively and Profitably 116

56 Have a Plan B and a Plan C 118

57 Capitalize on Chance—Be Lucky, but Never Admit It 120

58 Recognize When You’re Stressed 122

59 Manage Your Health 124

60 Be Prepared for the Pain and Pleasure 126

61 Face the Future 128

62 Head Up, Not Head Down 130

63 See the Forest and the Trees 132

64 Know When to Let Go 134

65 Be Decisive, Even if It Means Being Wrong Sometimes 136

66 Adopt Minimalism as a Management Style 138

67 Visualize Your Plaque 140

68 Have Principles and Stick to Them 142

69 Follow Your Intuition 144

70 Be Creative 146

71 Don’t Stagnate 148

72 Be Flexible and Ready to Move On 150

73 Remember the Object of the Exercise 152

74 Remember That None of Us Has to Be Here 154

75 Go Home 156

76 Keep Learning—Especially from the Opposition 158

77 Be Passionate and Bold 160

78 Plan for the Worst, but Hope for the Best 162

79 Let the Company See You Are on Its Side 164

80 Don’t Bad-Mouth Your Boss 166

81 Don’t Bad-Mouth Your Team 168

82 Accept that Some Things Bosses Tell You to Do Will Be Wrong 170

83 Accept That Bosses Are as Scared as You Are at Times 172

84 Avoid Straitjacket Thinking 174

85 Act and Talk as if One of Them 176

86 If in Doubt, Ask Questions 178

87 Show You Understand the Viewpoint of Underlings and Overlings 180

88 Add Value 182

89 Don’t Back Down—Be Prepared to Stand Your Ground 184

90 Don’t Play Politics 186

91 Don’t Criticize Other Managers 188

92 Share What You Know 190

93 Don’t Intimidate 192

94 Be Above Interdepartmental Warfare 194

95 Show That You’ll Fight to the Death for Your Team 196

96 Aim for Respect Rather Than Being Liked 198

97 Do One or Two Things Well and Avoid the Rest 200

98 Seek Feedback on Your Performance 202

99 Maintain Good Relationships and Friendships 204

100 Build Respect—Both Ways—Between You and Your Customers 206

101 Go the Extra Mile for Your Customers 208

102 Be Aware of Your Responsibilities 210

103 Be Straight at All Times and Speak the Truth 212

104 Don’t Cut Corners—You’ll Get Discovered 214

105 Find the Right Sounding Board 216

106 Be in Command and Take Charge 218

107 Be a Diplomat for the Company 220

End Game 222

The Rules of Money, Expanded Edition: How to Make It and How to Hold on to It

Acknowledgments x

Introduction xi

Part I Thinking Wealthy 2

1 Anybody Can Be Wealthy—You Just Need to Apply Yourself 4

2 Decide on Your Definition of Wealth 6

3 Set Your Objectives 8

4 Keep It Under Your Hat 10

5 Most People Are Too Lazy to Be Wealthy 12

6 Get a Reality Check 14

7 Understand Your Money Beliefs and Where They Come From 16

8 Understand That Wealth Is a Consequence, Not a Reward 18

9 Decide What You Want Money For 20

10 Understand That Money Begets Money 22

11 Calculate the Net Return 24

12 If You See Money as the Solution, You’ll Find It Becomes the Problem 26

13 You Can Make Lots of Money, You Can Enjoy Your Job, and You Can Sleep Nights 28

14 Don’t Make Money by Being Bad 30

15 Money and Happiness—Understand Their Relationship 32

16 Know the Difference Between Price and Value 34

17 Know How the Wealthy Think 36

18 Don’t Envy What Others Have 38

19 It’s Harder to Manage Yourself Than It Is to Manage Your Money 40

Part II Getting Wealthy 42

20 You’ve Got to Know Where You Are Before You Start 44

21 You’ve Got to Have a Plan 46

22 Get Your Finances Under Control 48

23 Insurance Pays Someone, and Odds Are It’s Not You 50

24 Only by Looking Wealthy Can You Become Wealthy 52

25 Speculate to Accumulate (No, This Isn’t Gambling) 54

26 Decide Your Attitude to Risk 56

27 Think Through the Alternatives to Taking a Risk 58

28 If You Don’t Trust Someone, Don’t Do Business With Them 60

29 It’s Never Too Late to Start Getting Wealthy 62

30 Start Saving Young (or Teach Your Kids This One If It’s Too Late for You) 64

31 Understand That Your Financial Needs Change at Different Stages of Your Life 66

32 You Have to Work Hard to Get Rich Enough Not to Have to Work Hard 68

33 Learn the Art of Deal Making 70

34 Learn the Art of Negotiating 72

35 Small Economies Won’t Make You Wealthy but They Will Make You Miserable 74

36 Real Wealth Comes from Deals Not Fees 76

37 Understand That Working for Others Won’t Necessarily Make You Rich—but It Might 78

38 Don’t Waste Time Procrastinating—Make Money Decisions Quickly 80

39 Work as If You Didn’t Need the Money 82

40 Spend Less Than You Earn 84

41 Don’t Borrow Money—Unless You Really, Really Have To 86

42 Consider Consolidating Debts 88

43 Cultivate a Skill and It’ll Repay You Over and Over Again 90

44 Pay Off Your Loans and Debts as a Priority 92

45 Don’t Be Too Busy Earning a Living to Make Some Money 94

46 Save in Big Chunks—or Should You? 96

47 Don’t Rent; Buy 98

48 Understand What Investing Really Means 100

49 Build a Bit of Capital, Then Invest It Wisely 102

50 Understand That Property, in the Long Run, Will Not Outpace Shares 104

51 Master the Art of Selling 106

52 See Yourself as Others Do 108

53 Don’t Believe You Can Always Win 110

54 Don’t Pick Stocks Yourself If You Don’t Know What You’re Doing 112

55 Understand How the Stock Market Really Works 114

56 Only Buy Shares (or Anything) You Can Understand 116

57 Use Your Head 118

58 By All Means, Use the Investment Professionals (but Don’t Be Used by Them) 120

59 If You Are Going to Get Financial Advice, Pay for It 122

60 Don’t Fiddle 124

61 Think Long Term 126

62 Have a Set Time of Day to Work on Your Wealth Strategy 128

63 Pay Attention to Detail 130

64 Create New Income Streams 132

65 Learn to Play “What If?” 134

66 Control Spending Impulses 136

67 Don’t Answer Ads That Promise Get-Rich-Quick Schemes—It Won’t Be You Who Gets Rich Quick 138

68 There Are No Secrets 140

69 Don’t Just Read This—Do Something 142

Part III Get Even Wealthier 144

70 Carry Out a Finance Health Check Regularly 146

71 Get Some Money Mentors 148

72 Play Your Hunches 150

73 Don’t Sit Back 152

74 Get Someone to Do the Stuff You Can’t 154

75 Know Yourself—Solo, Duo, or Team Player 156

76 Look for the Hidden Asset/Opportunity 158

77 Don’t Try to Get Rich Too Quickly 160

78 Always Ask What’s In It for Them 162

79 Make Your Money Work for You 164

80 Know When to Let Go of Investments 166

81 Know Your Own Style 168

82 Know Why You Should Be Able to Read a Balance Sheet—and How 170

83 Be One Step Ahead of Your Tax Collector 172

84 Learn How to Make Your Assets Work for You 174

85 Don’t Ever Believe You’re Only Worth What You Are Being Paid 176

86 Don’t Follow the Same Route as Everyone Else 178

Part IV Staying Wealthy 180

87 Shop for Quality 182

88 Check the Small Print 184

89 Don’t Spend It Before You’ve Got It 186

90 Put Something Aside for Your Old Age—No, More Than That! 188

91 Put Something Aside for Emergencies/Rainy Days—the Contingency Fund 190

92 You Paid What for It? How to Shop Around 192

93 Never Borrow Money from Friends or Family (but You Can Allow Them to Invest) 194

94 Don’t Surrender Equity 196

95 Know When to Stop 198

Part V Sharing Your Wealth 200

96 Use Your Wealth Wisely 202

97 Never Lend Money to Friends or Family Unless You Are Prepared to Write It Off 204

98 Don’t Lend, Take Equities 206

99 You Really, Really Can’t Take It with You 208

100 Know When/How to Say No—and Yes 210

101 Find Ways to Give People Money Without Them Feeling They Are in Your Debt 212

102 Don’t Over-Protect Your Children from the Valuable Experience of Poverty 214

103 Know How to Choose Charities/Good Causes 216

104 Spend Your Own Money Because No One Will Spend It as Wisely as You 218

105 Take Responsibility Before You Take Advice 220

106 Once You’ve Got It, Don’t Flaunt It 222

107 What’s Next? Pacts with the Devil? 224

The Rules of Parenting: A Personal Code for Raising Happy, Confident Children, Expanded Edition

Contents
Introduction xi
Part I Rules for Staying Sane 2
1 Relax 4
2 No One Is Perfect 6
3 Be Content 8
4 Know What You’re Good at 10
5 Almost Any Rule Can Be Broken Occasionally 12
6 Don’t Try to Do Everything 14
7 You Don’t Have to Follow Every Piece of Advice You Get (Including This One) 16
8 It’s Normal to Want to Escape 18
9 You’re Allowed to Hide from Your Kids 20
10 Parents Are People Too 22
11 Don’t Ignore Your Relationship with Your Partner 24
Part II Attitude Rules 26
12 Love Is Not Enough 28
13 Every Recipe Needs Different Ingredients 30
14 Anything Extreme Is Almost Certainly Wrong 32
15 Look Pleased to See Them 34
16 Treat Your Child with Respect 36
17 Enjoy Their Company 38
18 It’s Not about You – It’s about Them 40
19 Being Tidy Isn’t as Important as You Think 42
20 Good Parenting Is Calculated Risk Taking 44
21 Keep Your Worries to Yourself 46
22 See Things from Their Point of View 48
23 Parenting Is Not a Competitive Sport 50
24 Never Emotionally Blackmail Them 52
Part III Everyday Rules 54
25 Let Them Get On with It 56
26 Let Them Go (Wild) 58
27 Teach Them to Think for Themselves 60
28 Use Praise Wisely 62
29 Make Sure They Know What’s Important 64
30 Show Them How to Lose 66
31 Know the Value of Boundaries 68
32 Bribery Doesn’t Have to Be Bad 70
33 Moods Are Catching 72
34 You’re Setting Their Eating Patterns for Life 74
35 Communicate 76
36 Set Clear Targets 78
37 Don’t Be a Nag 80
Part IV Discipline Rules 82
38 Present a United Front 84
39 Carrots Beat Sticks 86
40 Be Consistent 88
41 Lighten Up 90
42 Focus on the Problem, Not the Person 92
43 Don’t Paint Yourself into a Corner 94
44 If You Lose Your Temper, You’re the Loser 96
45 Apologize if You Get It Wrong 98
46 Let Them Back in 100
47 The Right of Expression 102
Part V Personality Rules 104
48 Find What Incentives Work for Your Child 106
49 Every Child Should Have Something He Knows He’s Good At 108
50 Learn to Appreciate the Qualities That Remind You of Someone Else 110
51 Look for the Similarities Between You 112
52 Find Qualities to Admire in Them 114
53 Let Them Be Better Than You 116
54 Their Attitude Is as Important as Their Achievements 118
55 Keep Your Fears and Insecurities to Yourself 120
56 Mind Your Programming 122
57 Don’t Try to Have a Perfect Child 124
Part VI Sibling Rules 126
58 Give Them Each Other 128
59 Recognize that Squabbling Is Healthy (Within Reason) 130
60 Teach Them to Fight Their Own Battles 132
61 Work as a Team 134
62 Let Them Entertain Each Other 136
63 Never Compare Children with Each Other 138
64 Different Children Need Different Rules 140
65 Don’t Have a Favorite 142
66 Mix and Match 144
67 Find Each Child’s Strengths 146
Part VII School Rules 148
68 Schooling Isn’t the Same as Education 150
69 School Comes as a Package 152
70 Fight Your Child’s Corner 154
71 Bullying Is Always Serious 156
72 Teach Them to Stand Up for Themselves 158
73 Put Up with Friends of Theirs You Don’t Like 160
74 Remember You’re Their Parent, Not Their Teacher 162
75 Don’t Spoil Them 164
76 Let Up the Pressure 166
77 They Have to Live with Their Choices (and It’s OK) 168
Part VIII Teenage Rules 170
78 Don’t Panic 172
79 Remember Newton’s Third Law 174
80 Give Them a Voice 176
81 Don’t Look Under the Mattress 178
82 Running Around after Them Doesn’t Help Anybody 180
83 Don’t Stand in Front of a Speeding Train 182
84 Yelling Isn’t the Answer 184
85 Let Them Have the Last Word 186
86 Everything Comes with Strings 188
87 Show Some Respect for the Things They Care about 190
88 Adopt a Healthy Attitude to Sex 192
Part IX Crisis Rules 194
89 Don’t Use Your Kids as Ammunition 196
90 Let Them Cope in Their Own Way 198
91 Being Younger Doesn’t Necessarily Speed Everything Up 200
92 The Aftershock Can Last Forever 202
93 Tell Them What’s Going On 204
94 Teach Them to Fail Successfully 206
95 It’s Better to Agree Than to Be Right 208
96 All of Your Actions Speak Louder Than Any of Your Words 210
97 Make Sure They Know They’re Priority No. 1 212
98 You Can’t Fix Everything 214
Part X Grown-up Rules 216
99 Back Off 218
100 Wait Until They Ask for Advice 220
101 Treat Them as Adults 222
102 Don’t Try to Be Their Best Friend 224
103 Encourage Them Regardless 226
104 You Can’t Choose Who Your Children Love 228
105 Leave the Strings Off 230
106 Don’t Guilt-Trip Them 232
107 Remember They Still Need You 234
108 It’s Not Your Fault 236
109 Once a Parent, Always a Parent 238

The Rules of Love: A Personal Code for Happier, More Fulfilling Relationships, Expanded Edition

Introduction xi

Part I Rules for Finding Love 2

1 Be Yourself 4

2 Get Over It Before You Get On With It 6

3 You Won’t Be Happy With a Partner Until You Can Be Happy on Your Own 8

4 You’ll Know Them When You Meet Them 10

5 Choose Someone Who Makes You Laugh 12

6 Being Less Than a Hundred Percent Attractive Is a Great Filter 14

7 Don’t Keep Making the Same Mistakes 16

8 Certain People Are Off Limits (You Know Who They Are) 18

9 You Can’t Change People 20

10 Relationships Aren’t About Sex 22

11 Get to Know Someone Through All the Seasons Before Making Any Major Decisions 24

12 Don’t Stay With Someone Who Doesn’t Care 26

13 If You Can’t Trust Them, You Haven’t Got a Relationship 28

14 Be Honest (While You Still Have the Chance) 30

15 Don’t Play Games 32

16 Don’t Paint New Partners with Old Brushes 34

17 Check You Both Have the Same Shared Goals 36

18 You Can’t Make Someone Love You 38

19 Be Cruel to Be Kind 40

Part II Relationship Rules 42

20 Be Nice 44

21 Be Together Because You Want to, Not Because You Need to 46

22 Allow Your Partner the Space to Be Themselves 48

23 Look to Your Own Faults 50

24 Be Honorable 52

25 Put Each Other First 54

26 Recognize the Signs 56

27 Be a Hero—Or a Heroine 58

28 Accept the Differences, Embrace What You Have in Common 60

29 Don’t Belittle Your Partner 62

30 You Want to Do What? 64

31 Let Not the Sun Go Down Upon Your Wrath 66

32 Be the First to Say Sorry 68

33 Let Them Have the Last Word 70

34 Houston, We Have a Problem 72

35 Don’t Put Them on a Pedestal and Expect Them to Stay There 74

36 Know When to Listen and When to Act 76

37 Never Stop Trying to be Attractive 78

38 If You Can Say Something Nice, Do 80

39 Don’t Try to Be Their Parent 82

40 Be Part of Their Life 84

41 If Little Things Annoy You, Say So—With Humor 86

42 Go That Extra Step in Trying to Please Them 88

43 Make Sure Your Partner Is Always Pleased to See You 90

44 Don’t Dump Responsibility on Your Partner 92

45 Let Them Know If You Don’t Like Their Friends 94

46 Jealousy Is Your Stuff, Not Theirs 96

47 Your Partner Is More Important Than Your Kids 98

48 Make Time for Romance 100

49 Have a Passion for Your Life Together 102

50 Share the Workload 104

51 Trust the Other One to Do the Job 106

52 Don’t Be a Nag 108

53 Make Sure Your Love Making Is Making Love 110

54 Don’t Control Them 112

55 Listen to What They’re Not Saying 114

56 Most Everyday Arguments Are About Something Else 116

57 Respect Privacy 118

58 Treat Your Partner Better Than Your Best Friend 120

59 Don’t Be Offended If They Want Some Space 122

60 Men Like Flowers Too 124

61 Keep Your Finances Separate 126

62 Contentment Is a High Aim 128

63 Be Generous to Each Other Financially 130

64 You Make a Choice Every Day 132

65 Don’t Be a Martyr 134

66 Stop Sniping—Someone Has To 136

67 You Don’t Both Have to Have the Same Rules 138

68 Do It Their Way If It Matters More to Them 140

69 Put Yourself in Their Shoes 142

70 In-laws Are Part of the Package 144

71 Keep Talking 146

Part III Rules for Parting 148

72 Listen to Your Own Internal Voice 150

73 Recognize That It Takes Two 152

74 Keep the Moral High Ground 154

75 Don’t Keep Mulling It Over 156

76 Leave the Kids Out of It 158

Part IV Family Rules 160

77 Don’t Blame Your Parents 162

78 Don’t Let Your Parents Control Your Feelings 164

79 Your Children Come Before You 166

80 Nothing Is Worth Falling Out Over 168

81 Treat Them Right, No Matter How They Treat You 170

82 There Are No Circumstances in Which It Is Ever Acceptable to Say “I Told You So” 172

83 Don’t Pressure Your Family Just Because You Can 174

84 Never Be Too Busy for Loved Ones 176

85 Your Children Need to Fall Out with You to Leave Home 178

86 They Don’t Have to Be the Same as You 180

87 There’s Always Stuff with Siblings 182

88 Let Go of Your Role 184

Part V Friendship Rules 186

89 There Are No Rules 188

90 Your Best Friend Was Once a Stranger 190

91 Only Have People in Your Life Who, on Balance, Make It Better Not Worse 192

92 If You’re Going to Be a Friend, Be a Good Friend 194

93 Forgive 196

94 Never Give Advice* 198

95 Don’t Make Other People Uncomfortable 200

96 Find Friends Who Love the Truth 202

97 Never Lend Money Unless You’re Prepared to Write It Off 204

98 If You Don’t Like Their Partner, Tough 206

99 When One Finger Points Forward, Three Point Back 208

100 Friendships Change 210

101 Know When to Let Go 212

102 Bitterness Helps No One 214

Part VI Rules for Everyone 216

103 People Are More Important Than Things 218

104 Guilt Is a Selfish Emotion 220

105 Love Equals Time 222

106 The More You Put Out, The More You Get Back 224

107 Other People Are Where It’s At 226

Had Enough Yet…? 228

You’ll Get Older But Not Necessarily Wiser 230

Get Your Work Noticed 232

Anybody Can Be Wealthy—You Just Need to Apply Yourself 234

Get Them Emotionally Involved 236

Relax 238

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