There is simply no better way to learn Java than to have the pineal gland of an expert Java programmer surgically implanted in your brain. Sadly, most HMOs refuse to pay for this career saving procedure, deeming Java to be too experimental. At last there is an alternative treatment for those of us who cannot wait for sweeping health care reforms.
Mr. Bunny's Big Cup O' Java is recommended by n out of ten doctors, where n is any integer you wish to make up to impress an astoundingly gullible public.
The book begins with an overview of the book, and quickly expands into the book itself. Just look at the topics covered:
"I sincerely hope this book increases the donor pool."
The Mr. Bunny series is supported, endorsed, and authored by Carlton Egremont III, Esquire, recluse, and all-around weirdo. It is the official place to go when you simply must go someplace official. The books in this series provide no information whatsoever. The series is an indispensable resource for Janet from Reno.
...from the hip The Mr. Bunny series
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No book is written in a vacuum. Except, of course, this one. But once I grew used to the cumbersome breathing apparatus, it was quite easy to produce yet another perfect manuscript.
A perfect manuscript, you say? Then how come the book is so flawed? Simply put: I had help. (No I'm not talking about the squirrels.) Once I had completed the text, a number of people got involved and screwed it up. There's plenty of blame to go around, so let's get to it.
My illustrator, Steve Francis, ignored all my detailed specifications of the technical diagrams, producing instead drawings of a rabbit, a farmer, a troll, and even a giant squid. Some major rewrites were required to accommodate his bizarre vision. (He did do a fine rendering of the white space on page 36, however.)
In my last book, Sarah Weaver and her staff gleefully spotted every typo and grammatical error. (So what if I mislabelled that book's Figure 220.127.116.11.18.104.22.168.22.214.171.124? Or was it Figure 126.96.36.199.188.8.131.52.184.108.40.206.1?) All I can say, Sarah, is your time is wasted on this book. As mentioned, I have already achieved perfecshun.
Editorial assistant Julie DeBaggis has deprived me of much needed publicity by working with the legal department to assure I don't get sued by McNealy, Gates, Reno or Brando. Thanks a lot. I'm still hoping Hormel will press charges.
This terrible head cold I owe to executive editor Mike Hendrickson, who would meet me only behind the trash bin at Denny's, New England rainstorms notwithstanding. (Perhaps that's why Farmer Jake sneezes so much in this book.)
And speaking of rain, Patrick Chan ruined my vacation with his book "The Java(TM) Developer's Almanac." Patrick, what made you think you could predict the weather a year in advance?
Tim Lindholm, the designer of Java's threads, synchronization, garbage collection, and memory management, provided valuable feedback on the finer points of the giant squid. Naturally, as the author, I hope to weasel out of responsibility for any misplaced tentacles.
Another distinguished engineer, Guy Steele, provided the solution to the self-listing program problem of Chapter 3, and unscrambled "bloobie doobie snoobie floopie floo ker-WEEEE", thereby moving ahead of me on the waiting list to get a life.
Finally, my technical editor Gary Swanberg still insists that I don't exist. I will file a lawsuit for emotional distress as soon as I find a lawyer who will return my phone calls.