How to Win at Golf
- Training
- Mental prep
- Watch PGA on TV religiously
- Get that computer game with Jack whatsisname
- Rent "personal victory" subliminal tapes
- Equipage
- Make sure your putter has a pro autograph on it
- Pick up a bargain bag of tees-n-balls at Costco
- Diet
- Avoid baseball or football food
- No hotdogs
- No pretzels
- No peanuts and Crackerjacks
- Drink cheap white wine only, no beer
- Pre-game
- Dress
- Put on shorts, even if it's freezing
- Buy a new hat if you lost last time
- Location and Scheduling
- Select a course where your spouse won't find you
- To save on fees, play where your buddy works
- Opponent
- Look for: overconfidence, inexperience
- Shun: suntan, stethoscope, strident walk, Florida accent
- Buy opponent as many pre-game drinks as possible
- On the Course
- Tee first, then develop severe hayfever
- Drive cart over opponent's ball to degrade aerodynamics
- Say "fore" just before ball makes contact with opponent
- Always replace divots when putting
- Water cooler holes are a good time to correct any errors in ball
placement
- Never record strokes taken when opponent is urinating